pop

So today I woke up and I felt a sudden sadness. I had been in a good mood for two days. It didn't feel right. It felt foreign. I am not comfortable with happiness- it's just not what I'm used to. My good mood faded, and I fell into a deep depression. I couldn't fathom how I was able to smile and laugh just the day before. It seemed like an act, and I detest false acts. Why anyone would be happy made no sense to me. All I saw everywhere around me was anger, sadness, helplessness, sickness, unrequited love and death. I saw longing that would never be fulfilled. Goals that would never be met. Nothing seemed important anymore. All but nature lost its depth - though at times, even the trees looked sad. I crawled into my bed - just me and some sad music, a fan blowing (I love the sound a fan makes), and my animals gathered around me, and I fell asleep. I fell asleep without my usual racing thoughts, without my worries or my "what ifs". I fell asleep as I never had before - empty. My hopelessness does not go much deeper than this. I am running out of time.